Sufferance
by TheDarkBecomesYou
Summary: Armitage Hux pines for the scavenger he has never met. A gift for my friend!


He wasn't sure when it had happened, but at some point, General Armitage Hux realized something. He had fallen in love with her. The girl. The scavenger. The Jedi. _Rey_. Whatever name she was called, it didn't matter. Not to him.

She was the face of the Resistance. His enemy. She stood for everything he was against. And yet, he couldn't help this strange longing. This foreign feeling, unlike anything he'd ever known. He loved her. It had taken over his system, thawing the frozen corpse of his heart.

At first, he assumed it was just an innocent curiosity that pressed him to do his HoloNet research on her. Or perhaps it was that he was enamored by how she had defeated Ren, twice. Twice she had left Ren unconscious on the ground. Twice she had wounded his pride. And oh, how Hux hoped there would be a third.

Then he believed his interest in her was only because he might be able to recruit her to his growing army. The one Ren knew nothing about. The secret army he'd gathered for when he was ready to strike down the Supreme Leader. It would benefit him greatly if he were able to turn her, she could prove a valuable asset. And even though he doubted she would forsake the Resistance, he still held out hope.

Or maybe, the way Ren obsessed over her had gotten under his skin. Perhaps she was just one more thing that Hux would begrudge Ren obtaining. Even the delightful way she had driven Ren to near madness could have also been a cause.

No, it wasn't all those things that had blossomed these feelings, these desires. It was something else. A kinship he felt when he looked at her. Something in himself recognized something in her.

He knew her past, the parents that had sold her into slavery for a little drinking money. Those parents that had left her to a cruel fate, where scavenging or prostitution seemed to be the only method for a young girl to survive. Even worse, she was abandoned on a harsh planet whose dunes had claimed more lives than the Tusken Raiders in the height of their power.

All this he understood, this he could respect. Unlike Ren, she hadn't come into the world to be pampered and cared for. No, she was like Hux. She had been born to hateful parents and those who should've protected her only caused her harm. And Armitage Hux was no stranger to such betrayal.

That was something he could grasp. And though he'd never met her personally, never spoken a word to her, he felt he knew her. Knew her better than Ren even. Because they were the same. Hux and Rey. Two children cruelly robbed of their childhood.

And so, he'd steal away when he could, find a quiet spot aboard the _Finalizer_ where he could watch her. He couldn't do it in his office, Ren had ears nearly everywhere. And he didn't want to arouse suspicion. So, he'd settle for a few peaceful moments of stolen holovid or intercepted audio transmission from the Resistance. If she were on them, he would watch or listen. Replaying them several times before he'd sigh and shake his head and return to his duties.

But it always left an ache in his chest, a deep longing for something. For her yes, but also for something more. For what she represented possibly? Some lost emotion he couldn't describe. She was so like him, though she might not know it. A missing piece of his soul perhaps. Whatever the case, she left him weary and languid. The hollowness consumed him when he thought of her. When he thought about what it might be like to know her. Would she recognize herself in him?

And yet, he'd never admit it to anyone. He'd never speak the truth out loud. Never make known this feeling that nearly drove him to despondency. He would not act on the aching desire, the simple want, or desperate need. Not because he couldn't find her. And not because he thought she might rebuff him. He had duties to fulfill and a galaxy to conquer. There was a Supreme Leader to sabotage. An Empire to establish.

It just wasn't the right time yet. Maybe it would never be the right time. Or maybe when he sat rightfully atop the throne that had once belonged to Snoke. When he, Armitage Hux, was Supreme Leader, or better yet, Emperor. Perhaps then might be the right time to make his hope known? He could wait. What as a little more time? He was good at waiting. And besides, when one has endured countless suffering, what is a little more pain?

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

This is dedicated to one of my friends for her sweet ko-fi donation. There is an accompanying piece of art on my art tumblr: dark-london


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